the BECOMING

Since i was a kid, i've always had a pretty smile, not until the day i lost both my front teeth and had these ugly ones permanently grow. As a kid, i would never mind what other people had to say, with that, i ignored the 'about-to-be-monstrosity' my teeth will become. When i turned 10 i notice how different my teeth were compared to others and this time i realized that bucked-teeth don't look good, i realized that i don't look good:( .

At a young age i felt depression. I felt so ugly, though i didn't dream of being some beauty queen, i really had very low self-esteem...maybe i never had self-esteem. By then i've always related myself to the girls in the show "The Swan" where geeks, nerds, in other words, the 'not good looking' would undergo cosmetic surgery and would have their bucked teeth operated, their bellies tucked in, and their whole selves changed.

Also when i was studying my early grade school in Lahug Elementary School, i had criticism. My classmates would call me names but i never got into fights because i was always the nice kid. At this time, i was always bullied. My classmates would tell me to do this and that, draw this and that, and make their assignments. My mom was a school teacher in our school but i never used her to abuse others like how they have hurt me and i never told her. I was always the funny and happy kid in school. The one who doesn't study but still get in the top ten. The one who joins dance, art, singing and academic competitions. The one who represents the school together with some other fellow students but believe it or not, i never believed in myself. I never thought that i was someone unique. I always felt like i'm not good enough and i will never be.


One time, in third-grade, i was sitting on my seat doing the usual talking with my classmates[Essem,Fellnah,Limbert]. And then my teacher [Ms. Malinao] said, "Class, lain diay ko class? Sadista diay ko class? naa lagey parent nga nireklamo tungod kai lain daw mig (referring to our grade level teachers) batasan kai mamili mig students. Naa juy mama sa inyung classmates ngari ai.nga..blah blah blah..". And so i really didn't have any idea who she was talking about. I looked around and tried to ask my classmates but they all whispered to one another looking at me. Being the innocent kid, i didn't get it! Until the bell rang and still nobody, i mean nobody talked to me. I was some sort of alien they were all scared to talk to. By that time, i realized that i was the one my teacher was talking about. By then on, my teachers treated me differently. Only my favorite teacher [Ms. Estella] didn't change. She would praise me and all that. And years later, i've come to realize that those effin' teachers treated students nice because they had mothers or guardians always going to school to fetch them, feed them lunch, and give friggin' teachers presents. And my mother was never like that, and i'm glad.
I never kept grudge inside me because i can't but when i remember the bad things they spoke about my mother, i really get mad at them like i can ninja kick them in the face. But just weeks ago, i saw that effin' teacher at e-mall. And i was like giving her a really big grin.SHIT! But i still didn't have enough anger to be mad at all these people at a very long time. And i thank God for that.

SO ANYWAYS, i got off the topic real bad..
this was supposed to be about my nerdy look.
so forget that drama up there..and let's continue..
so yesterday, i had my teeth measured for retainers. We still can't afford that 40k braces. and this morning i took it. it really hurts badly. but it makes sense coz i feel like it really works. And yesterday, mom bought me these green eye glass frames for a hundred and had my eyes checked. We learned that i was near sighted which means that i can't really see from far away. So mom bought me lenses. And i will get the glasses on monday. And maybe i'll have my upper teeth measured for retainers next week. So the next time you see a 'putot' ninja with really short bangs, green glasses and retainers, please don't mind saying 'hi' coz i don't eat people..sahay.. hahahahaha

when i get my glasses, i'll take a pic of myself! what a shame.hahahaha
And that's the start of the adventures of the 'daugdauga ko' ninja.
baaaaaaang!
that's all.

-elle